Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
