And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
