Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
