I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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