Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
