I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
