Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
