I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
