I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
