just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
