wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
