Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
