Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
