here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
