Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
