Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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