Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
