Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
