Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my liver is dry heaving
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
