So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
