So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
