Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
