I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
