you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
