look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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