so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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