I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
