Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
