When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
