dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
