my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
