there's paper in my vomit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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