if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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