how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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