I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There r osticjed everywhere
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
