the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
