he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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