hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
