im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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