I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
