i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
