Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
