It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
