Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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