K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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