I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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