at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
