i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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