There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
