i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
