im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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